current blog

http://jetbutterfly.com/blog

i live there now.

. all those doubts .

so life goes along,
and the calendar pages flip and turn
some get torn and tattered
while some fade away
and with those pages memories
slip by too.

i've discovered one thing that has remained constant...
i almost always doubt myself.
.. my ablity to succeed..
at everything.

and while the rational part of me arm wrestles with my insecurities
(usually winning)
it is an interesting observation.

i believe in so many others..
cheerleader to the end.
this is constant.
why not my believe in myself?

'tis interesting indeed.

. for just a moment .

time has been moving quickly lately. it seems as if the hand that holds the hourglass has stolen a few grains of sand. i have been scrambling to get tasks accomplished and i haven't had ample playtime. perhaps i feel a little pouty.

i miss home.

the cooler weather, the breeze hinted with dampness has struck my heart and i admit to feeling a bit of heartbreak / loneliness. perhaps, with all the politics and negative energies at work, i am longing to jump back into days filled with salty laughter and cartwheels.

i am assembling my portfolio. i have taken thousands of pictures over the last 3.5 years of my life. i have witnessed so many beautiful moments in time that i do wish that i could tear back the corners of those photographs and leap inside them. ah, to run free near the ocean, hear the seagull's wild laughter, the wind's kiss on my brow and its salty breath on my lips... for when i close my eyes, i dream myself there. i can almost smell of cedar and moss...

taking photographs reminds me of how i collected things as a child. i take pictures of the treasures uncovered on adventures. my child-like eyes hide behind the camera as i look for goblin trails and faerie rings to leap into. i notice things that many would not bat an eye towards and feel a rush of excitement when the universe lets me in on a secret. at times, my innocence leads me into fires and boobie traps, grumbly dwarves and overly excited tree sprites... but i suppose that is all part of the adventure.

i have been approached to sell my photographs and i don't even know where to begin. as an artist, i am very poor on the sides of business. i think of how i gave away so much of my music for free.. just to share it. perhaps i feel the same way with this. although it does make sense to make money doing what i love to do (especially since film and processing is so damn expensive) yet i do not think in dollar signs.

ack i am rambling.

it isn't often that i am given the time to just think. *sigh*

for just a moment.. i am sitting on an piece of driftwood.. the sun is at half mast and the symphony of the waves is telling me a story that i have heard a thousand times yet never tire of it... i nestle my chin down into my scarf and take in a deep breath inhaling the sweet perfume of the moss draped cedars and douglas firs. in the distance tucker, the coolest dog on the van isle, plays in the tide as my best gals, mel & elizabeth, walk up with hot saskatoon berry ciders in their gloved hands... we giggle and laugh at silly things and watch the sun slip down in the sky.

. wear sunscreen .
come to the filmfestival!
www.blue-november.com

mustn't forget...

with boundless energy she radiates to ...
. chase a butterfly .
. build a sandcastle .
. turn a cartwheel .
. put up a lemonade stand .
. hulahoop at 5 am .
. dig toes into dewy grass .
. sword fight with twizzlers .
. paint a sidewalk chalk picasso .
. laugh till her belly aches .
. walk fearless amongst the roses .
. create .
. create .
. create .

. truly live every single day .

*nod*
wear sunscreen.
be yourself.. it's all that really matters.
:)

. black coffee & days off .

. reflective .
i suppose would be the word of the day.

i've been thinking a great deal about what my purpose is in this life.
what is it that i am supposed to do / accomplish / create
am i to evolve and in the process help others evolve too?
or am i merely here just to exist and have momentary lapses into creative insanity?

perhaps a little of both.

i am in the remainder of the days of my twenties and the number 30 is frightening.
my spirit feels so young / alive / and lusting for adventure, and my body has been feeling tired / aged / spent.

i went for a massage today. i haven't had any kind of treatment for my back in well over a year and i hurt. stress lives in my shoulder blades and in the small of my neck. the hands of another was most welcoming to the ailing areas.

*sigh*

i've been sipping coffee for most of the day. i have discovered that drinking it black is so clean tasting. i have always been a cream in her coffee, and in the last few months, soy girl; however, suddenly, i prefer it black. pure. untainted. and interesting parallel for the pleasures in life that i desire.

my trip to colorado made me realise that my life has gone out of control in the sense of balancing work with play. i am a victim to the machine and with every passing day i feel more and more cog like. I chose to give myself a birthday present of 5 days without work so that i could run barefoot in the park (praying i dont walk away with ticks)... god, i loath middle america.

the long and short of it... i've made the best attempt to be happy here. i have established great friends and a wonderful life companion... but the space in which i dwell is killing me emotionally and spiritually.
i feel drained everyday.
i feel creatively emaciated.

i am a truly believer of ...
the power of the ocean
the magic and wisdom of the trees
the privilege of fresh air
and
chocolate.

i need to move.
and today i can't.

spring brings change.
and this coming one will contain the one i need.
*nod*

. life . love . so sweet . so fair .

plus




equals



. rockymountainhigh .

sailing though the clouds with my pirate by my side...
i've a silly grin on my face.

. wearsunscreen .
. climbmountains .
. fallinlove .

-fae

turn daydreams into realities